practicing the presence of God

"O my God, since Thou art with me, and I must now, in obedience to Thy commands, apply my mind to these outward things, I beseech Thee to grant me the grace to continue in Thy Presence; and to this end do Thou prosper me with Thy assistance. Receive all my works, and possess all my affections."

-Brother Lawrence

do they see jesus in me?

Is the face that I see in the mirror
the one I want others to see?
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life
the love that you've given to me?
My heart's desire is to be like you
in all that I do, all I am

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize your face?
Do I communicate your love and your grace?
Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me?

Well it's amazing that you'd ever use me
but use me the way you will
Help me to hold out heart of compassion and grace
A heart that your Spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy
the same way you've shown it to me

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize your face?
Do I communicate your love and your grace?
Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me?

Well I want to show all the world that You are
the reason I live and breathe
So You'll be the one that they see when they see me

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize your face?
Do I communicate your love and your grace?
Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me?

Oh, do they see Jesus in me?


"Girl before a mirror", Picasso

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner
worthy of the gospel of Christ." -Phil 1:27

be thou my vision

Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one

Riches I need not, nor man’s empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art

High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all

God, you're beautiful...

my all-time favourite...

i am absolutely stunned every time i see this. the stillness is simply captivating. words could never do it justice. neither can a photo off the internet. trust me, i tried. for now, stay awhile, and just let it move you. but that's just me. sometimes it's so upsetting when you try and express to someone your reaction to a particular experience and no matter how hard you try, you just can't get them to connect in the same way. i know we're all individuals, all wired differently, blahblahblah, but i'm not sure how to really deal with it yet. anyway...this isn't about me, it's about this:




"Pieta", Michelangelo

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He would give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross

My guilt upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

walking on water -ii. icons of the true

The problem of pain, of war and the horror of war, of poverty and disease is always confronting us. But a God who allows no pain, no grief, also allows no choice. There is little unfairness in a colony of ants, but there is also little freedom. We human beings have been given the terrible gift of free will, and this ability to make choices, to help write our own story, is what makes us human. [...] It is the ability to choose which makes us human.
...
"The Son of God suffered unto death not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like his."
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But to serve any discipline of art [...] is to affirm meaning.
...
[...] confusion comes about becuase much so-called religious art is in fact bad art, and therefore bad religion. [...] Some of those soppy pictures of Jesus, looking like a tubercular, fair-haired, blue-eyed goy, are far more secular than a Picasso mother and child. The Lord Jesus who rules my life is not a sentimental, self-pitying weakling. He was a Jew, a carpenter, and strong. He took into his own heart, for our sakes, that pain which brings "wisdom through the awful grace of God."

AMEN sista!
...
[Hassidic teaching and nonrepresentational designs of Muslim mosques] both miss the point which Eastern Orthodox artists are taught when they study the paintings of icons. The figure on the icon is not meant to represent literally what Peter or John or any of the apostles looked like, nor what Mary looked like, nor the child, Jesus. But, the orthodox painter feels, Jesus of Nazareth did not walk around Galilee faceless. The icon of Jesus may not look like the man Jesus two thousand years ago, but it represents some quality of Jesus, or his mother, or his followers, and so becomes an open window through which we can be given a new glimpse of the love of God. Icons are painted with firm discipline, much prayer, and anonymity. In this way the iconographer is enabled to get out of the way, to listen, to serve the work.
...
All true art has iconic quality.
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"To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God did not exist."

walking on water -madeleine l'engle

wow. the joy of finishing a good book after a year and 2 months. started another one that i've always wanted to read. every page leaves me breathless. i can't explain it. there's too much to share. i don't even know where to start. i know that not everyone will feel the same way, but the words just...wow. i'm just speechless and in awe. i don't even know how. i just connect...

>>i. cosmos from chaos

Listen to the silence. Stay open to the voice of the Spirit. Slow me down, Lord.
...
Plato spoke of the neccessity for divine madness in the poet. It is a frightening thing to open oneself to this strange and dark side of the divine; it means letting go of our sane self-control, that control which gives us the illusion of safety. But safety is only an illusion, and letting it go is part of listening to the silence, and to the Spirit.
...
All learning which is acquired under compulsion has no hold upon the mind. -Plato
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That which is impossible and probable is better than that which is possible and improbable. -Aristotle.
...
And as I listen to the silence, I learn that my feelings about art and my feelings about the Creator of the Universe are inseparable. To try to talk about art and about Christianity is for me one and the same thing, and it means attempting to share the meaning of my life, what gives it, for me, its tragedy and its glory.
...
Skill may be learned, and if art is merely a skill, then it can be acquired by anybody, and being a painter would merely be the equivalent of being a good dentist's technician or a practiced butcher. It is an honourable thing to be a dentist's technician or a butcher, but neither would claim to be a creator.
...
The artist is a servant who is willing to be a birth-giver.
...
I believe that each work of art, whether it is a work of great genuis or something very small, comes to the artist and says, "Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me." And the artist either says, "My soul doth magnify the Lord", and willingly becomes the bearer of the work, or refuses.
...
It helps me to remember that anything Jesus did during his life here on earth is something we should be able to do, too. [...] Sometimes I will sit on a sun-warmed rock to dry, and think of Peter walking across the water to meet Jesus. As long as he didn't remember that we human beings have forgotten how to walk on water, he was able to do it. If Jesus of Nazareth was God become truly man for us, as I believe he was, then we should be able to walk on water, to heal the sick, even to accept the Father's answer to out prayers when it is not the answer that we hope for, when it is no.
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The chief job of the teacher is to help us remember all that we have forgotten. [...] One of the great sorrows which came to human beings when Adam and Eve left the Garden was the loss of memory, memory of all that God's children are meant to be.
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The artist, if he is not to forget how to listen, must retain the vision which includes angels and dragons and unicorns and all the lovely creatures which our world would put in a box marked Children Only.
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Faith is for that which lies on the other side of reaon. Faith is what makes life bearable, which all its tragedies and ambiguities and sudden, startling joys.
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"The principle part of faith is patience."

the heart of the artist -x. the spiritual disciplines of the artist

>>friendship with God
_>>"surprised by the voice of God", Jack Deere

God comes to us like this because he wants a relationship. But sometimes we only want results. He wants to talk. But we only want him to fix things. It's not that he is against results or minds fixing things. He actually enjoys serving us. But he wants to be more than a servant. He wants to be a friend. Though I fear sometimes we wants only a servant.

Real friendships can't be forced. They must be chosen, and then pursued and purged of ulterior motives. Friends share secrets, and understanding of each other grows--so does trust and appreciation. If the friendship deepens, one day you wake up and realize that you love your friend for who they are, not for what they can do for you. In fact, they don't need to do anything for you. Just being with your friend is the highest joy. Yet the truth is that there is nothing you wouldn't do for your friend and nothing your friend wouldn't do for you...

As long as we're primarily interested in our friend for what they can do for us, we'll never have a true friendship. Relationships can begin this way and then develop into true friendship, but until the relationship is purged of our desire to use each other, we'll never have a true friendship. And yet it is our truest frinds who will do the most for us...

One of the great mistakes of the church is to offer Jesus to people solely on the same basis that a salesman offers a product to consumers. Come to Jesus--he'll save you from hell, fix your marriage, get your kid off drugs, heal your diseases, take away your depression, make you powerful in word and spirit, give you a good job and a nice house. Jesus certainly saves people from hell, and he can do all the other things too.

It's not wrong to come to Jesus initially for what he can do for us. The problem is many of us never progress beyond this stage. What if he doesn't fix our marriage or get our kids off drugs? What if he lets us go bankrupt? If our primary interest in Jesus revolves around what he can do for us, then when he "fails" to meet enough of our perceived needs, we'll leave him or become embittered. Many of us in the church can't seem to get past the stage of desiring Jesus for what he can do for us. We are so dazzled by Jesus' ability to provide for us that we can't see the loveliness of his Person. He is infinitely wonderful in himself, worthy to be loved and adored even if he never does a single thing for us...

God makes it easy for us to reject him becuase he wants us to choose him for himself alone. It is perhaps one of the universe's greatest mysteries that the Son of God wants a friendship with us. He will not force himself on us. We must choose him for our friend and then pursue him for the rest of our lives if we want that friendship to grow.

the heart of the artist -intro: those artsy types

>>reclaiming the artistic temperament for Christ

I believe that God has redeemed the artistic temperament. If you're in Christ, you are a new creature. "the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 cor. 5:17). In Christ there is such a thing as a transformed, well-adjusted, Spirit-filled artist. Imagine what God could do with an artistic temperament that's completely yielded to Him. He doesn't look at us as "those strange artsy types." after all, He made us. He loves us and He understands us.

I'll admit we are a little different, but it's a good kind of different. Artists look at things differently than nonartists do. We notice detail; we appreciate nuance and beauty. Some people might look at the evening sky and all they see is a bunch of stars. But an artist looks at it and sees beauty and meaning. Artists want to sit under the stars and soak it all in. They want to gaze at the moon and be dazzled. They want to paint a picture of it or write a song or a poem. Debussy was so moved by the evening sky that he wrote Clair de Lune. Van Gogh was inspired and painted Starry Night. King David was an artist who looked at the evening sky and wrote this: "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" (ps. 8:3-4)


"Starry Night", Van Gogh
"We learn from the artists, from those who work in paint or words, or musical notes, from those who have eyes that see and ears that hear and hearts that feel deeply and passionately about all that is sacred and dear to God." -Ken Gire, Windows of the Soul

the heart of the artist -viii. leading artists

"the glory of God is in the fully alive human being." some of us are not fully alive anymore because we are stifled artists. by necessity we've become more leader or more administrator than artist. we don't sing anymore. we don't play anymore. we don't write anymore. we don't dance anymore. we don't act anymore. we don't draw or paint anymore. or if we do these things, we don't do them on a scale anywhere near what we used to. when many of us first became believers, our newfound faith found expression in the arts. for many of us, it was the first link between us and God. but not anymore. we're too busy for that. this is sad, because we really enjoy those kinds of things and we miss doing them. we are "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Eph 2:10). many of us were created to be artists. that's what God put us on the planet to do. if we don't get to be artists, we're not able to do those good works we were destined to do. if we continue to let this go unattended for too long, we will become frustrated artists who have become angry at the church for stifling our giftedness. the other danger is that we will become what Julie Cameron, in her book The Artist's Way, calls "shadow artists", people who give wings to everybody else's talent but their own. the end is the same. our giftedness gets lost. there's this artist inside us that wants to come out but is being suppressed.

so camp is finally over. things are slowing down. time is freeing up. i actually have time to read and can manage doing so without falling asleep. i started this book last year and have yet to finish it. i think about the past year at tyndale away from studio art, this past summer packed with daycamp, softball, worship, wedding, retreat responsibilities. i haven't had any time to paint or sketch out of sheer personal pleasure. i think about what it means to be an artist. what i'm supposed to be as an artist. is it just a label i've been given, having been artistic or been in art programs since forever, is it just something i've convinced myself to be because i can't be anything else? i know that i've been blessed tremendously with unique gifts and talents. the fact that my own pastor has told me that i'm one of the most gifted people he knows is an accolade i feel too small to accept. i remember steph saying at salt's winter retreat last year that she thinks it's cool how there's no one else in the fellowship like me. that's stuck with me. i've never wanted to be like everybody else. i don't want to be "one of them", "just another...". artists are supposed to be different. right?

am i still an artist if it's been a while since i've done any artwork? i sit here at my computer on my first day off and i think of what i'm supposed to be doing with my time. in my mind i should be whipping up a painting, or finishing the one i've started last year, but then i realised that my paints were at church. i have an image in my mind that i wanted to draw for a friend of mine, but i'm already skeptical of whether or not i'd be able to carry it out to completion. i've been singing a lot lately. mostly for the wedding, which is over now (and i think i'm quite happy with my performance), and to prepare for my jazz class audition...which i'm actually really nervous about. i've been able to use my singing for daycamp too in leading camp songs which was something i totally enjoyed.

no, "artist" isn't just a label. i know it's in me. i know that art moves me inside and out when i have the time to slow down and enjoy it. i know what it is to see something differently than others, to be overwhelmed to tears just looking at God's creation yet not knowing how to express it to others so that they, too, can feel the same way. i know how it feels to be fixated on a single painting for half an hour, to find someone else's art touch you and reveal things to you in a way nothing else can. i know what it feels to finish a piece of work i'm genuinely happy with. i know what it feels like to walk off a stage and be thoroughly satisfied with my performance. i know what it feels like to be doing what God has given me the unique ability to do. i know what it feels like to be "in my element". and i love it. but i know that regardless of how many pieces i manage to complete, how many songs i sing, i will still be an artist. i know that it's in me. i know that's how God created me. being an artist isn't about doing. it's about being. the physical work that others see should simply be an outpouring of the passion for the arts that lie inside.

i'm not surprised at how it's like being a christian. it's about being. not doing. in God's eyes, it doesn't matter what you try and do for him if your heart isn't with him. it doesn't matter how many mission trips you go on, how many worship teams you're a part of, how many leadership positions you have. if those things don't flow out of a passionate love for God, what good is it? it's just work. if my artwork isn't created out of a love for art, a true desire to be what God has called me to be, what he's called me to do, it's merely homework.

i guess i just want to be real. i want to be a person who lives with integrity. i want to stay true to how God made me, as a singer, as an artist, as a leader, as his child.

above all, in everything, in every way, i want to be a genuine worshipper of God.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:23-24

*testing...one-two-three...*

just giving this a try...this seems more user friendly than xanga. or i'm just lazy to figure it all out. we'll see what becomes of this...